Won't you take me to... crazy town?

Well, I have to commend MILP. She's cramming as much crazy as she can into her envelopes now- multiple letters in a single envelope... in case one wasn't enough. Er?

What's also entertaining (for a given value of entertainment) is that the letters are essentially the same thing, with just a little minor rephrasing. This is indicative of the emails she's sent to Dr. Genocide. Gotta drive that point home.


Dear Catherine,
Thank you for your letter.
I have waited over a year to hear from you and your parents. [Note: This is blatantly untrue. The woman did not meet me until late March of this year. This letter comes roughly 4-5 months after that meeting. Maybe she's talking in dog years?] I have sent more than twelve gifts and letters to your home patiently waiting for a response, so that I could better understand your family background, culture, religion, beliefs and goals.
You have not even had an opportunity to visit our home, meet our community, and attend Shabbat or holiday services with our Jewish family.
Our [Genocide] family is descended from the holy tribe of Levi.
[Dr. Genocide]'s great grandfather used to conduct Rosh Hashana + YomTom services at his synagogue. Our family Name was Abramson. [Dr. Genocide]'s name is Isaac.

1)I have asked you repeatedly to 1st-- consult with an orthodox or conservative Rabbi before considering marriage. [Apparently, I'm meant to become a time traveler to appease this woman...] There are many strict laws that neither you, Andrew or I understand. It is dangerous to make up your own marriage rules. [Yep, we're just making up random stuff to do. A llama is performing the ceremony and everyone will sit on pillows and play drums...] Jewish Law has been observed for 2000 years. Interfaith marriage is not legal in Jewish Law- it is not considered a marriage - but living in sin.
4)[What happened to 2 and 3?] Another big problem is the marriage contract- called Ketubah. In a valid Jewish wedding, a Ketubah is a contract, that is signed + witnessed by 2 non-related Jews.
In case of divorce or death, the Ketubah offers the wife money and some living expenses. It is a legal contract. No Ketubah is given if a Jew marries a non-Jew. That would mean NO inheritance at all to you. [Well, that IS why I was going to marry him... it is ALL about the MOOONEEEEY!] There are many many more complications that would megatively affect your status and legal role. [Yep, the Jewish law is the only law that could possibly give me rights. All you non-Jews out there aren't really married!]

Judaism is a beautiful religion [No argument here.] but its laws are complex, and require consultation with an ordained Rabbi. [Only, I think- if you plan on being Jewish? I don't think Jewish law requires non-Jews to consult a Rabbi...] The orthodox Rabbi has serious training in knowledge of Jewish law.
Marriage and training are extremely important events.
A psychologist is not helpful in regards to Jewish religious law. [What? Uh... and a dentist is not helpful when repairing a window.... SO?] As I said months ago, to avoid problems, A Rabbi must be consulted first, preferrably Orthodox. [As far as I can see, the only problems are coming from MILP....]

Catherine, [I guess we're starting a new letter now?]
I am glad that you have enjoyed the gifts I have sent to you and your family, as a gesture of peace and friendship. [No comment- but the fact that she's calling Dr. G and asking him things like "What makes her so special?" doesn't seem too friendly to me.] Please keep writing to us- we have been trying for a year to communicate with you. [Communicate? Hardly. A year? Well- we've already been over the math.] In a previous letter, I have invited you to Florida to visit us- we will pay all your travel expenses. We expect you to visit us several times, before even contemplating marriage into a Jewish family.
Thank you,
[MILP]


So there you have it. Nothing too terrible, she just expects me to go to Florida (via TARDIS) to meet her friends and talk to Rabbis about a conversion that neither I nor Dr. G want any part of. Let me also reiterate that Jews are NOT into the whole conversion thing. They don't want you to convert. So why would any Rabbi even TALK to me about the process if I didn't have a hint of desire?

Yeah... Plan B is going into action FOR REALS.