Well, I have to commend MILP. She's cramming as much crazy as she can into her envelopes now- multiple letters in a single envelope... in case one wasn't enough. Er?
What's also entertaining (for a given value of entertainment) is that the letters are essentially the same thing, with just a little minor rephrasing. This is indicative of the emails she's sent to Dr. Genocide. Gotta drive that point home.
Dear Catherine,
Thank you for your letter.
I have waited over a year to hear from you and your parents. [Note: This is blatantly untrue. The woman did not meet me until late March of this year. This letter comes roughly 4-5 months after that meeting. Maybe she's talking in dog years?] I have sent more than twelve gifts and letters to your home patiently waiting for a response, so that I could better understand your family background, culture, religion, beliefs and goals.
You have not even had an opportunity to visit our home, meet our community, and attend Shabbat or holiday services with our Jewish family.
Our [Genocide] family is descended from the holy tribe of Levi.
[Dr. Genocide]'s great grandfather used to conduct Rosh Hashana + YomTom services at his synagogue. Our family Name was Abramson. [Dr. Genocide]'s name is Isaac.
1)I have asked you repeatedly to 1st-- consult with an orthodox or conservative Rabbi before considering marriage. [Apparently, I'm meant to become a time traveler to appease this woman...] There are many strict laws that neither you, Andrew or I understand. It is dangerous to make up your own marriage rules. [Yep, we're just making up random stuff to do. A llama is performing the ceremony and everyone will sit on pillows and play drums...] Jewish Law has been observed for 2000 years. Interfaith marriage is not legal in Jewish Law- it is not considered a marriage - but living in sin.
4)[What happened to 2 and 3?] Another big problem is the marriage contract- called Ketubah. In a valid Jewish wedding, a Ketubah is a contract, that is signed + witnessed by 2 non-related Jews.
In case of divorce or death, the Ketubah offers the wife money and some living expenses. It is a legal contract. No Ketubah is given if a Jew marries a non-Jew. That would mean NO inheritance at all to you. [Well, that IS why I was going to marry him... it is ALL about the MOOONEEEEY!] There are many many more complications that would megatively affect your status and legal role. [Yep, the Jewish law is the only law that could possibly give me rights. All you non-Jews out there aren't really married!]
Judaism is a beautiful religion [No argument here.] but its laws are complex, and require consultation with an ordained Rabbi. [Only, I think- if you plan on being Jewish? I don't think Jewish law requires non-Jews to consult a Rabbi...] The orthodox Rabbi has serious training in knowledge of Jewish law.
Marriage and training are extremely important events.
A psychologist is not helpful in regards to Jewish religious law. [What? Uh... and a dentist is not helpful when repairing a window.... SO?] As I said months ago, to avoid problems, A Rabbi must be consulted first, preferrably Orthodox. [As far as I can see, the only problems are coming from MILP....]
Catherine, [I guess we're starting a new letter now?]
I am glad that you have enjoyed the gifts I have sent to you and your family, as a gesture of peace and friendship. [No comment- but the fact that she's calling Dr. G and asking him things like "What makes her so special?" doesn't seem too friendly to me.] Please keep writing to us- we have been trying for a year to communicate with you. [Communicate? Hardly. A year? Well- we've already been over the math.] In a previous letter, I have invited you to Florida to visit us- we will pay all your travel expenses. We expect you to visit us several times, before even contemplating marriage into a Jewish family.
Thank you,
[MILP]
So there you have it. Nothing too terrible, she just expects me to go to Florida (via TARDIS) to meet her friends and talk to Rabbis about a conversion that neither I nor Dr. G want any part of. Let me also reiterate that Jews are NOT into the whole conversion thing. They don't want you to convert. So why would any Rabbi even TALK to me about the process if I didn't have a hint of desire?
Yeah... Plan B is going into action FOR REALS.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Elusive Truth Pt. II
I don't have actual text to post this time, and I probably wouldn't if I did. The reason for this is that the latest installment of crazy comes to us not from MILP, but from people she has suckered into writing to Doctor G and myself, clearly without giving them the full story.
I posted recently about how I have received not one, but two letters from Rabbis. These letters were not addressed to me, but rather to Andrew. My name was written in later (in her hand). The context of the letters was such that it seemed she had approached them to ask them to talk to their son about marriage and conversion in vague terms, but had clearly not mentioned that he already had a fiance (and a date)! She's not being honest with these men, and I feel terrible about that.
To add to the fun, she has now gone so far as to talk with her friends (are these the same ones she wanted me to meet?) who are now writing emails to Dr. G. These emails are pleasant enough, but again, not informed. In at least one case, one of MILP's friends wrote to Dr. G to tell him about a nice girl he might remember from the past, and what she's doing and how to contact her. It's clearly an attempt at matchmaking. The tone of the letter (And Dr. G's own feelings about the person that wrote it) indicate that she's not at all aware of my existence. Again, this poor lady was probably fed half of a story, and acted in a way she thought was appropriate.
But seriously.... what on earth? First this lady sends gifts. (Which are nice but random...) Then she questions the legal status of my family as well as my parents' ability to responsibly raise a child. She calls me controlling, claims I have an agenda, invites me "with warmth" to her home to meet her friends... friend who she has gone to in search of potential mates for Dr. G. What?
Plan B is going into action. ASAP.
I posted recently about how I have received not one, but two letters from Rabbis. These letters were not addressed to me, but rather to Andrew. My name was written in later (in her hand). The context of the letters was such that it seemed she had approached them to ask them to talk to their son about marriage and conversion in vague terms, but had clearly not mentioned that he already had a fiance (and a date)! She's not being honest with these men, and I feel terrible about that.
To add to the fun, she has now gone so far as to talk with her friends (are these the same ones she wanted me to meet?) who are now writing emails to Dr. G. These emails are pleasant enough, but again, not informed. In at least one case, one of MILP's friends wrote to Dr. G to tell him about a nice girl he might remember from the past, and what she's doing and how to contact her. It's clearly an attempt at matchmaking. The tone of the letter (And Dr. G's own feelings about the person that wrote it) indicate that she's not at all aware of my existence. Again, this poor lady was probably fed half of a story, and acted in a way she thought was appropriate.
But seriously.... what on earth? First this lady sends gifts. (Which are nice but random...) Then she questions the legal status of my family as well as my parents' ability to responsibly raise a child. She calls me controlling, claims I have an agenda, invites me "with warmth" to her home to meet her friends... friend who she has gone to in search of potential mates for Dr. G. What?
Plan B is going into action. ASAP.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Elusive Sincerity
...which would be a good band name if you were extremely emo and highschool.
I got another package today, with not one, but THREE notes. SUPER BONUS! There was also a small book and a wrapped box with what appears to be a purse inside. (It was sorta dented, I haven't actually opened the box...) While none of the letters were particularly long, I just thought I should share them, especially in light of recent correspondences.
One of the letters was (despite my firm insistence that I will not be converting) from a Rabbi in the area where Dr.G's mother lives. The letter was really addressed to Andrew, but my name was written (in her hand) in at the end. (This is the second letter like this I have received. It makes me think she is not telling these Rabbis the whole story, otherwise, why would they not put my name on the document?) It detailed some of the various approaches to conversion etc. Nothing rude, obviously this man was just doing his job and that's fine, but I really am getting tired of this lady's utter denial of the fact that I'm not becoming a Jew. Ever. And I'm not sorry about it. And no Rabbi would convert someone who wasn't absolutely prepared and interested in doing so. Goodness!
What was more entertaining was the letter written by MILP herself.
Dear Catherine,
I would like to welcome you with warmth + love to visit our home in sunny Florida this August.
I will pay all travel/air expenses.
You will have a breakfast/brunch with my closest friends.
You'll want to meet our wonderful Rabbi to understand the requirements of marriage into the Share family. RSVP soon.
Love, [MILP]
Short, but jam packed with WTF. First of all, accusing someone of seducing and controlling their son to further their own agenda must be part of the whole "welcoming" process that I'm not familiar with. Warmth + Love! BFFS 4 EVAR!
I also like the declarative "YOU WILL DO THIS" and "YOU WILL WANT" bits. No, I will not want to, thank you. I want you to listen to your son (primarily) and me (if you have time) so you can stop making a fool out of yourself and alienating your family further.
The problem here is really just that MILP had a dream, a plan for her family. However, contrary to her understanding, I am not the reason these plans are not coming to fruition. Her own dysfunctional relationship with her family has soured two of her three sons to the concept of marriage. It's a small wonder that Dr. Genocide is marrying me. (That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am THAT EFFING AWESOME. Or I just seduced him... I forget...) Dr. G confided in me that practically all of his experiences with Judaism were negative, and he wasn't jumping at the chance to pass those on to any children.
This discussion ended before the guy even met me!
Poor Dr. G tried talking to her on the phone, but failure was abundant. At this point, the poor guy is pretty much just done talking to her. At all. I think somewhere in her mind she thinks that if she gave him an ultimatum, he'd pick her and his faith over me. Um... wow. I hope it never gets to that, for her sake.
Really, I'm not mean, I don't hate the woman- I just wish she'd really listen. With actual listening. For listening purposes. Then we could all just stop spinning our wheels and get on with our lives.
I talked to my own mother today about this- in an attempt to come up with an appropriate response to this letter. (I can't make the trip as I have a strict externship schedule I need to adhere to through November.) I think my next step (aside from sending her a 4 page letter that just reads 'BEES BEES BEES') is to tell her that I love her son, and he loves me- unconditionally. It has nothing to do with religion or expectations, unlike her own feelings about both of us (well at least me... I'm ruining her son, he's faultless of course). But who knows how that will go.
Who wants to contact Lifetime about optioning my blog? ;)
I got another package today, with not one, but THREE notes. SUPER BONUS! There was also a small book and a wrapped box with what appears to be a purse inside. (It was sorta dented, I haven't actually opened the box...) While none of the letters were particularly long, I just thought I should share them, especially in light of recent correspondences.
One of the letters was (despite my firm insistence that I will not be converting) from a Rabbi in the area where Dr.G's mother lives. The letter was really addressed to Andrew, but my name was written (in her hand) in at the end. (This is the second letter like this I have received. It makes me think she is not telling these Rabbis the whole story, otherwise, why would they not put my name on the document?) It detailed some of the various approaches to conversion etc. Nothing rude, obviously this man was just doing his job and that's fine, but I really am getting tired of this lady's utter denial of the fact that I'm not becoming a Jew. Ever. And I'm not sorry about it. And no Rabbi would convert someone who wasn't absolutely prepared and interested in doing so. Goodness!
What was more entertaining was the letter written by MILP herself.
Dear Catherine,
I would like to welcome you with warmth + love to visit our home in sunny Florida this August.
I will pay all travel/air expenses.
You will have a breakfast/brunch with my closest friends.
You'll want to meet our wonderful Rabbi to understand the requirements of marriage into the Share family. RSVP soon.
Love, [MILP]
Short, but jam packed with WTF. First of all, accusing someone of seducing and controlling their son to further their own agenda must be part of the whole "welcoming" process that I'm not familiar with. Warmth + Love! BFFS 4 EVAR!
I also like the declarative "YOU WILL DO THIS" and "YOU WILL WANT" bits. No, I will not want to, thank you. I want you to listen to your son (primarily) and me (if you have time) so you can stop making a fool out of yourself and alienating your family further.
The problem here is really just that MILP had a dream, a plan for her family. However, contrary to her understanding, I am not the reason these plans are not coming to fruition. Her own dysfunctional relationship with her family has soured two of her three sons to the concept of marriage. It's a small wonder that Dr. Genocide is marrying me. (That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am THAT EFFING AWESOME. Or I just seduced him... I forget...) Dr. G confided in me that practically all of his experiences with Judaism were negative, and he wasn't jumping at the chance to pass those on to any children.
This discussion ended before the guy even met me!
Poor Dr. G tried talking to her on the phone, but failure was abundant. At this point, the poor guy is pretty much just done talking to her. At all. I think somewhere in her mind she thinks that if she gave him an ultimatum, he'd pick her and his faith over me. Um... wow. I hope it never gets to that, for her sake.
Really, I'm not mean, I don't hate the woman- I just wish she'd really listen. With actual listening. For listening purposes. Then we could all just stop spinning our wheels and get on with our lives.
I talked to my own mother today about this- in an attempt to come up with an appropriate response to this letter. (I can't make the trip as I have a strict externship schedule I need to adhere to through November.) I think my next step (aside from sending her a 4 page letter that just reads 'BEES BEES BEES') is to tell her that I love her son, and he loves me- unconditionally. It has nothing to do with religion or expectations, unlike her own feelings about both of us (well at least me... I'm ruining her son, he's faultless of course). But who knows how that will go.
Who wants to contact Lifetime about optioning my blog? ;)
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