Low On Ammo?

So, while this whole ordeal is long-going, I thought perhaps I'd run low on things to write about. I can nitpick the details of my visit with the woman, or muse over the silliness of it all- but what if I just ran out of honest to goodness content?

Never fear, true believers, the MILP is stepping up to the plate admirably, this time with a letter addressed to my folks- as follows:


April '09
Dear Mr + Mrs. (My parents... actually she used my dad's first name. What? My mom is not Mrs. Dad's first name...).
I have not had the pleasure to meet you yet.
My husband does not want to travel with the flu outbreak increasing.
I hope that you are all well. Would you please tell us about yourselves?
Where were your parents born?
How did they come to the U.S.?
Has any family member served in the US military? (My husband is an Air Force Captain- My Father served in Navy- WWII).
What are your religious traditions?
What are your hopes + dreams for Catwoman?

Are you US citizens?
Do you like pets? ... ->

In my community, all parents teach their children how to drive a car by age 18. It is a very big and serioos parental responsibility.
(Catwoman needs to be a safe and confident driver, not only for her safety, but for the safety of passengers or children).

Please ask a family member or responsible friend or driving school to give her lessons - she needs a driver's license.
I do not want Batman taking on that responsibility - it is not his job.
Please accept the check 190' towards Catwoman's driving lessons- please start by summer '09.
Thank you - (MILP) ->

Please write to us + tell us about your faily + parets etc.

(Content is as untouched as possible, spelling errors and all.)

So... my parents didn't want me driving at 16. Understandable. Insurance is ungodly dollars at that age. At 18, I was away at school, and summers I was working away and taking classes. Free time of ZERO. Driving has come up a lot, of course- and yes, responsible family members have taken me to the parking lot. These days, I work two jobs and have a full class load. My free time is spent... well, who am I kidding, what free time? But discussing plans with parents (this weekend, even) we decided that this summer, between when jobs end (I work for the school district) and externship begins (in August) should be a good time for me. We recognize this is important. It may be difficult for her to understand how time may be the limiting factor in all of this- being a woman who takes a vacation from... err... nothing. She's on a month long trip away from her... not working. Um. Must be nice! (No really, it must be awful. I'd go nuts with nothing to do. Maybe she has, and that's what we're seeing.

So I'm not sure where this lady gets off:
1. Assuming that it is a "community" issue. (She likes to use the word "community" a lot. In her "community" everybody eats rainbows and poops butterflies and has perfect Stepford wives, except they're bonus Jewish!)

2. Assuming it is an issue of money, and nothing else (We are of course, dirt poor Mexicans - here illegally and living 27 to a duplex.)

3. Telling my parents what Batman's job is not, but feeling that critiquing their parenting skills is *her* job. (It's not like my parents have been doing this 15 years longer than she has... oh wait... not to mention all their children willingly SPEAK TO THEM.)

4. Asking a barrage of questions (all of which, except for the pet one I have answered for her before) as though there is really any other way to interpret them besides "DO YOU HAVE YOUR PAPERS~!!??!?? HABLAS ENGLISH???"

Maybe it seems I'm jumping on the race thing, but when I post the "helpful diet tips" she sent, you'll see what I mean.

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Brain

(For the sake of not being a total jerk, I'll be referring to my boyfriend as 'Batman'. It is probably as close as I'll ever get to dating a superhero. I, of course, will be 'Catwoman'.)

So, Batman and I have been together for over 5 years. We get along famously. We met in college, and even though we didn't start dating right away, we definitely meshed well, and our friends all felt it was a matter of time before we ended up together. The last few years, we've had to do things long distance because of school, but our relationship is as strong as ever, and last year we got engaged. Yay!

Of course, this meant that he was going to have to tell his mom about me.

"Wait a minute," you say, "You dated for years- and he never told his mother about you? Trust issues much? Fear of commitment? What is up with that?"

And in a normal scenario, you'd be right. Truth is he wasn't ashamed of me (I met his dad fairly early on) but of his mother. After a totally embarrassing situation with one of Batman's brothers and his girlfriend, he decided that mom didn't necessarily need to be privy to everything going on in his life.

Still sounds pretty strange, I admit.

Basically, he was concerned about stuff like the following letter (received this week).

Dear Batman,
We need to talk about Catwoman. I am in denial.
*Consider meeting
other young, slim, healthy well educated college girls + grad students.
(in NY + S Florida, many are even Jewish, with professional parents)
Write down a list of your priorities.
Thanks-
Love, Mom

Clearly she is feeling the love. (I should point that my parents both have college degrees. My mother is a teacher, and my dad is a minister. Both of them are happy and supportive of us.)

About my education:
I admit, this is a spotty part of my history. I enrolled at a private University (where I met Batman) and attended for three years before returning to my home state for a number of reasons. Some of it was financial (I wasn't going to be able to afford the fifth year I would have needed to graduate there) and some of it was just realizing that my major at the time wasn't where my passion was. I had a bit of a rocky time back home before finally deciding to do what I loved, and I entered culinary school. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I'm satisfied with my work and happy -(and seeing as how I am up before 6am every day, and work two jobs after my full class load, that's saying something!) and I look forward to a career that is going to let me do what I love. (Plus, cooking and culinary school is awesome for conversation starters. Everyone eats!)
Anyways, enough about that- we have a two-fer!

What would a little mom correspondence be without some Swine Flu panic?

Dear Batman,
SWINE FLU is DEADLY and IS SPREADING.
Do not travel to MEXICO.
DO NOT VISIT people who travel to MEXICO.
AVOID people with FLU Symptoms, respiratory coughing, fever...
Good idea to wear a face mask on an airplane.
Good Hygiene- hand washing etc.
Mom-

Noteworthy in this letter:
-I live in Texas, Batman is Indiana. MILP in question has already made not-so-subtle comments about the fact that I'm Hispanic (more on that later) but I can't help but wonder if she's trying to keep him away from me with this DEADLY FLU. (Because I go to Mexico ALL THE TIME.)
-The flu is a virus. Wearing a face mask will do jack squat against something that tiny.

More to come. The laughs keep rolling in. XD

Welcome!

Some moms are hot.
Some mothers are *really* hot.

And some moms...

some moms are batshit insane.

I'm not even talking about crazy Octo-moms who are clearly on *something* and make the news for their rampant irresponsible behavior. Nope, sometimes these nutjobs are right in front of you, giving you a gift (while stabbing you in the back). This might be your mom, or in my case- the woman about to be your mother in law. After sitting back and wearing a good natured smile at the insensitive questioning, shameful inability to listen, and what can only be described as good old fashioned ignorance, I decided (with my future husbands full approval) to share some of these gems with the internet. Fire away, these are awesome.

(Note- any and all text will be unaltered. Scans of images and documents will be left as they are. Speculation as to the intention behind any correspondences is my own, but I think my conclusions are sound.)